S8B’S PERSONAL BLOG

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Image description in this transcript: Shad Eight Black is simultaneously Black and Non-Binary. Their facial features are androgynous. They stare at you with a dull expression, like they don’t want to see you. They wear black rectangle frames of reading glasses. This photo was taken in March 2016 at the Saint Louis bus stop in Missouri. They were 24 years old when the selfie image was taken on their mobile phone. They have small Afro hair covered on top of the head. They also wear a gray sweatshirt with the hood pulled down and a fading black leather jacket with the zipper partially open. They are in a natural background of a white cloudy sky and a few scattered trees behind them.

What’s this about?

They go by the stage name: Shad Eight Black. They always want to be a screenwriter, content creator, TV showrunner, and filmmaker as a career of Hollywood dreams and aspirations that may never happen again due to multiple personal conflicts with enemies and toxic people. They were formerly a Conservative Christian from 2006 to 2015 (Ephraim Baptist Church for the Deaf). Now, he’s exploring his spiritual beliefs, possibly as a Wiccan or an atheist.

WARNING NOTES: Please don’t think about misgendering me as “He, Him, or His.” Unless you’re willfully disrespectful, then that’s harassment and verbal abuse. Feel free to leave. He/Him is an unacceptable gender pronoun! (THEY/THEM)

  1. My personal identities are Non-Binary, Gender-Fluid, and, sometimes, Demi-Gender. I don’t feel strongly comfortable with “the strict boundaries of cisgender pronouns,” although I was assigned as a male at birth. My genitals don’t necessarily define me as a cis man. I refuse to accept being verbally referred to in “he, him, his” as to “man,” “guy,” “boy,” “dude,” or “jackass.” I don’t let strangers or anyone I know make decisions for me. I don’t even let them define my gender pronouns without my permission.
  2. I initially came out as the strict boundaries of cisgender pronouns to my family and classmates in high school in Fall 2010 (during my senior year). I’ve often been misunderstood by so many people in my life. They mistook me for being a cis male because of societal expectations, peer pressure, religious belief systems, and standards. I don’t fit very well with social norms and standards of heterosexual ideology and religious beliefs.
  3. I never consider myself a “manly man” or many other labels to define as a “man.” It’s NOT because of the genitals that I was born with. No matter how I acted, posed, or expressed my behavior as a “man” in your vocabulary! I don’t need people to teach me what makes a “real man” is. I don’t believe in the “you’re not the real man” concept. It’s TOXIC as fuck! You don’t get to say “you’re not a real man” or “acting like a real man, act like it!” “Why can’t you be a real man? Grow up!” I simply disagreed. Just because I’m sexually attracted to cis men doesn’t make me a manly man.
  4. You don’t get to decide what’s a man and what’s not. It’s my personal business, nothing else! You’re not in control of my gender identity because you shouldn’t make it about you. Why should it be about you, anyway? What do you care? It’s NOT my problem if you’re uncomfortable. I don’t seek approvals or acceptance from you. I know you don’t!
  5. Some uneducated people misplaced the term for me because they have the advantage of doing it and quickly moving on without feeling offended; they can go back to their busy lives after the incident. Because this is my daily existence of gender identity, I don’t enjoy the advantages the same way that others do, which is why. It is NOT necessarily comfortable for me to use offensive words to amuse myself. If I don’t like it, I’ll tell you bluntly how I feel. This is part of my identity because I don’t consider myself a binary person. Some people are misled by thinking that the wrong pronoun is OK and acceptable without checking the facts first or asking my permission. They still have NO idea that the non-binary people who are the subject of hatred and ignorance of gender pronouns are not necessarily of the same viewpoint. We want to be understood and respected by your likes more often. Please don’t talk to us in such a way! This would result in countless theatrical eye-rolls and tons of teeth-biting tones directed at you for being disrespectful. Seriously, I kid you not.

RELATIONSHIPS/BONDING:

  1. I’m sexually OR romantically attracted to cis men, I mean, I can date them, but I won’t lie to you: I enjoy exploring the ideas of dating trans women or trans men or something in between. I think I’m a POLYSEXUAL. Yeah, I know it sounds ironic because you think I’m NOT physically attracted to cis women, but emotionally. I’m EMOTIONALLY attracted to their intelligence and ways of thinking. Their independent, feminist thoughts. I don’t have problems with feminists.
  2. So, therefore I have to be VERY careful with how I want to use my gender identity. I don’t want to use my gender to have a relationship with a man. I don’t want people to think and say, “Oh, you want to be a woman because you could go passes as a woman to sleep around with straight men.” “You’re going to steal my husband from me.” “You want to go into bathrooms with real women because you wanted to be my sister. So you can braid my hair, giggling and gossiping about your man-crush or Prince Charming.” I was afraid of stigmas and targets putting on my back.
  3. That’s okay. I like being me anyway.

DO I BELIEVE IN LOVE?

I realized I shouldn’t be obsessed with finding “Mr. Right” or “love at first sight” because it’s hard to find these days. I had to turn off my romantic feelings, even when they didn’t go away quietly because I still suffered from painful experiences of rejection. I decided I should be “demi-romantic” to protect my heart from over-the-top bullshit. Just protect yourself from heartbreak, you know?

Just. Don’t. Get. Your. False. Hopes. Up. You’ll be disappointed one way or another.

MY SHADY PAST:

  1. Before you start reading my posts on this blog. I always got shunned and avoided by many feminists because they heard many stories about me in my past. They automatically became afraid or felt threatened by my presence. I can’t control how or why they see me that way. I found that very heartbreaking and sad ’cause some feminists don’t want to work with me, even if I constantly RESPECT them and treat them well. Sometimes, RESPECT is not good enough for them.
  2. I have flaws and errors, but that doesn’t always make me a misogynist. I believe I can evolve and change for the better. No matter how often I apologized, they always scolded me whenever they were around me.
  3. I grew up fatherless, too. I failed those women as an adult, just like my birth father failed me.
  4. I’m NOT asking women to feel sorry for me since I kept failing them. I don’t want your pity or sympathy. I like your respect for me that I owned it up and took full responsibility for my actions. I want you to respect me for the flaws and errors that I acknowledge. I want you to respect me for holding myself responsible and accountable. I NEVER claim to take benefits from the white male patriarchy system, even if I wronged you.

Some posts HERE I wrote are warning triggers! Read at your own DISCRETION!

Shad’s PERSONAL BLOG

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