My Zip Code Is Now A Victim of Store Shooting & White Nationalism
I filmed myself in front of a Tops store on Landon Street using American Sign Language.
After the two minutes of the video, I walked back home while finger-spelling to say “H-O-M-E.”
HOME. NOT. FAR.
That’s where my home is now. This is where I live. Right here, right here. You can see the store (mass shooting) behind me, right next to my home. It’s NOT that far from where I’m sleeping, okay?
My name is Shad Eight Black. Again, Shad Eight Black. That’s my stage name. I use it publicly because I don’t want to be identified by my government deadname. Still, some of you are familiar with it, anyway.
Because of the White Supremacy at the shooting site where I live, I must make this video available to you now. I’ve been here a short time, like, five months after moving out of my previous address on December 31. I just wanted to let y’all know that I live in Buffalo, New York, and Landon Street is where I live. It’s one minute away from my nearest grocery store next to me. I didn’t know who they were as 10 victims until the local news began to identify their names a few days later.
The next five months BEGAN AFTER DECEMBER 2021 in my home at this current location.
Once again, I don’t have NO connections to 10 victims at the shooting site. I didn’t meet them until maybe January 2022, but I NEVER spend much time with them for social interactions. I only came to the store to buy personal essentials for my home next to the TOPS. I only spent five to ten minutes shopping there, and that was it! I’ve been commuting between my house and the Tops store since then.
Going back to the incident on May 14, I tirelessly worked on a YouTube video for almost half of the day on my Apple laptop (MacBook Air). I often used the iMovie app to edit videos. I always added the closed captioning to my YouTube videos, which took forever to finish overnight but also delayed a few days.
I wordlessly told myself that I planned to watch movies or TV shows online while eating some junky snacks from TOPS, so I could go shopping that day. The problem was that I changed my mind as if I had NEVER thought about it in a split second! My internet addiction is the reason it distracted me from going to the store between 2 PM and 2:30 PM.
My solar chakra plexus (or my grandmother, Sandra Owens) telepathically begged me to stay in the house a bit longer after 2 PM, even though I planned to go shopping at that hour!
My heart and my stomach were at war against one another because it was hard for me to decide if I should stay home or go shopping at 2 PM. I was still struggling with two options that day. However, in reality, it was the spectral presence of my grandmother as she relentlessly changed my mind about going to the store! The only problem I had was accidentally spent procrastinating while on my laptop after 2 PM!
I think it was my grandma talking to me somehow. That’s why I stayed on my laptop longer than I originally planned on that day.
I was also undressed from my head to my toes, and my entire body was heavily covered with the odor of sweat. Eventually, I turned off my laptop when it was a few minutes past 2:30 PM. I took a steamy shower.
You understand what I’m saying when I say I don’t want to come into the store smelling so bad, right?
People will complain about my body odor unless I take a shower. I have to make sure that I’ve adequately showered. It’s a matter of maintaining proper personal hygiene and self-care.
I explained while using sign language IN the video blog:
I had to take a warm shower, but after 10 minutes, I left the bathroom while still in the nude. I was a bit lazy when putting some random clothes on. At some point, I started feeling a grunt of hunger in the pits of my abdominal intestines.
At 3 PM on May 14, I exited my house through the rear door of my kitchen because I had two doors out on the front porch and the backyard. I walked through the driveway on my way to Landon Street.
I was unexpectedly MINDBLOWN by my newfound experience of something quite different from what I had seen before. The first thing that caught my attention was a white male police officer holding a large black rifle in his hands at the back of the Tops store across from me. He wore a military-style black helmet and uniform, which immediately made me feel like he was preparing to go to war at any moment! I was still perplexed to find this white man standing in the alley behind the grocery store right across from me. I started observing the street for the first time and noticed yellow tape all over it, around the store, and on the other side of the same building. It took me 20 minutes to make sense of the yellow tape.
My first thought was, “How come the police are here?”
YES, I WAS SOMEWHAT AFRAID, BUT MY UNDERSTANDING OF THE SITUATION WAS FRUSTRATINGLY UNCLEAR, AND DON’T FORGET THAT NO ONE INFORMS ME OF WHAT HAPPENED BECAUSE I’M FUCKING DEAF! NOTHING AT ALL IS GETTING THROUGH TO MY EARS, NOTHING! NOBODY WOULD WARN ME OF THE RACIST ATTACKS IN MY ZIP CODE AREA!
I walked out of the driveway where I had just come from. I had the nerve to ask the 26-year-old light-skinned black man with dreads in his hair (who lived on the second floor above me while I lived on the first floor). He was sitting idly on the front steps of the porch. I don’t remember his name, but he was seemingly relaxing in silence while observing the whole mess. He wore summer shorts with his shirt off and was barefooted because he was half-naked. I’m a few years older than him in my house, but we’re NOT friends and NEVER really got along because of my disability. He thought I was mentally retarded since I couldn’t speak.
I approached him in an unorthodox method of non-verbal communication, which consisted of making physical gestures with my hands in opposition to American Sign Language. I NEVER use my voice to talk to him. I asked him questions while eagle-spreading my arms in opposite directions as if to say, “What happened?” This guy sitting on the porch could only shrug off or flippantly reject my questions without answering. He didn’t want to tell me, but I think he SECRETLY wished that Payton Gendron murdered me. I had a feeling that he freakin’ hated my guts.
GRRR, fine! My nonverbal communication doesn’t WORK well on him though!
I looked again at the police officer in the alley of the same store that he had a military rifle in his hands. I started strolling across Landon Street by putting my head under the yellow tape in front of me, but I think I willfully broke the law by dismissing it.
I tried to walk down the sidewalk by the wall of the Tops store, but the police stopped me JUST RIGHT there and talked directly to my face while my two ears couldn’t catch the words of his voice. I politely told him, “I AM DEAF,” by pointing my index finger at one of my ears. Unfortunately, he was still incapable of understanding my mime performance. I had NO choice but to read the lips of a possibly ableist cop as he spoke directly to my face in each word of the same sentence: “Do you work here at the store?” I shook my head to tell him that I had NEVER worked at the Tops, rather than using my voice to communicate with him as a mime artist.
This white male cop had given me a dumbfounded look because of the way I made weird faces while using nonverbal gestures. I FAILED to help him understand that I would like to buy food with cash, a spoon, and a bowl to eat from inside my mouth. Then he told me to get out of the Tops store’s alley and return to where I belonged.
I walked back and went under the YELLOW TAPE again to continue walking on the sidewalk of Landon Street across from the Tops.
I couldn’t help but be perplexed by my long-distance observation of black people in the Jefferson Utica Plaza parking lot. It was packed full of THEM standing outside behind the yellow tape on Landon Street, with countless cars parking there!
I was utterly unaware of the incident when I first saw people standing on the corner side of Landon Street next to Jefferson Avenue. I haven’t hung out often with them since January 2022, and I haven’t seen so many people like this before! I NEVER bothered to get to know any of them on that day.
Sometimes they weren’t friendly to deaf people like me, and because of that, I don’t often associate myself with able-bodied folks. No offense intended. I’m just saying it’s best to avoid people that you don’t know.
At first, I was under the impression that this had to do with block parties, festival events, and brochure booth tables in the parking lot. That’s what I thought at first. Idiotically yet again, I crawled underneath the yellow tape that blocked access to the front building of the supermarket.
One black male police officer yelled at me, “Hey! Get Out!” I’m like, “Why?” When I repeatedly used a mime nonverbal communication style, I told him I was starving. Still, he’d told me many times already that the store was closed for the day.
I made a U-turn while retracing my steps on the curbside of Landon Street to walk into the alleyway of the Jefferson Utica Plaza as it faces across from the Tops store. I RELENTLESSLY walked around the alley to the front of the Jefferson Utica Plaza on my way to the Family Dollar store.After that, I made a U-turn and continued to retrace my steps on the curbside of Landon Street to go into the back driveway of the Jefferson Utica Plaza, as it faces across from the Tops store. I RELENTLESSLY walked around the alley to the front of the Jefferson Utica Plaza on my way to the Family Dollar store. I made a U-turn while retracing my steps on the curbside of Landon Street to walk into the alleyway of the Jefferson Utica Plaza as it faces across from the Tops store. I RELENTLESSLY walked around the alley to the front of the Jefferson Utica Plaza on my way to the Family Dollar store.After that, I made a U-turn and continued to retrace my steps on the curbside of Landon Street to go into the back driveway of the Jefferson Utica Plaza, as it faces across from the Tops store. I RELENTLESSLY walked around the alley to the front of the Jefferson Utica Plaza on my way to the Family Dollar store.
I was totally unaware of why the Tops store was suddenly closed. People must have thought I looked like a freakin’ idiot who clumsily got lost on the street, which was the most insane moment of the day.
Several groups of black people screamed at the top of their lungs in the parking lot. They were teary-eyed while hugging their loved ones for emotional support. At first, I didn’t understand why they behaved so irrationally. I felt like I was in the Twilight Zone.
I entered the Family Dollar store and found myself face-to-face with a pale-skinned black man in his thirties as a registered cashier. He was helping customers with their purchases of store items that they bought. Then he looked at me innocently, and I informed him that I was DEAF, and he gave me his look that said, without words, “Ah, okay.” I tried to communicate with him again with mimed gestures of my hands, without using my voice to speak. I asked, “What exactly happened over there at Tops?” He leaned his head down to me, so I could read his lips, which formed a single phrase consisting of three words: “White Boy Shooting.”
My facial reaction is, “Huh? Ok.”
Tops had something that I wanted to buy, but unfortunately, it’s no longer open today. I purchased a 12-packed box of colorful popsicles and a Sierra Mist soda pop because I had NO choice but to accept what was available at Family Dollar.
I walked back home, but as you can see, it took me a friggin’ 40 minutes to gather information on the same day! I had a hard time communicating with police officers who prevented me from accessing Tops in my postal code!
I spoke with my mother by videophone app through a sign language interpreter, even though she doesn’t live here with me. I’m telling you, I don’t have anyone in my family in my postal code. There’s only me here in Buffalo, New York! None of my family members live here! Nobody is taking care of me here. I’m very self-reliant and am fully independent at home!
I used the video webcam to communicate with my mother in sign language, telling her she would have difficulty believing what happened today. I told her that the employee at the Family Dollar store said it was “the white boy shooting” in the Tops supermarket next to my home.
My mother seemed a bit surprised at first, but she lamely said, “It’s a good thing that you weren’t present at that time of the attack because you might’ve been murdered one way or another.”
NOT HELPING, MOM!
I emphasized that I FAILED to hear the number of gunshots because of my disability. I told my mother that I had an absolute ZERO idea of what the shooting sounded like at that exact moment.
My mother said, “Now check it on the Internet because it’s fully loaded with information if you want to find out.”
“Okay, that’s fine by me,” I said before hanging up on the video call.
I opened the lid of my laptop to Google “Buffalo, NY Shooting,” and it displayed the store’s name online. Multiple websites say that a white man named Payton Gendron, 18 years old and NOT from Buffalo, has visited my neighborhood zip code! I was fortunate enough to avoid meeting him, but if I had, I might have been on TV news for everybody to learn that he murdered a disabled black person! Think about that for a fuckin’ minute!
This white supremacist opened fire on ten black people for NO reason! He injured three people who were still alive when the police arrived! The two surviving victims were both WHITE! Still, it took me 40 minutes after 3 PM to get in touch with the two cops on Landon Street and the employee at the Family Dollar! I didn’t start browsing the Internet until 3:45 PM!
I couldn't believe it happened on my block right here!
I couldn’t find the names of ten victims on my laptop because that day was still under the police investigation and wasn’t released back then!
I remembered planning to visit this store at 2 PM, but did I change my mind during the senseless attack? Didn’t I? It doesn’t make sense because Payton Gendron showed up at 2:30 PM, and I probably would’ve been murdered! I almost left home when I changed my mind in a split second on the same day! I belatedly realized that I was NO LONGER safe while shopping!
I can’t believe that the laptop saved my life!
This attack is the first time in my entire life that I’ve been BARELY exposed to it! I didn’t even think twice that this would happen in my neighborhood! NEVER in a million years will I think that! The Tops supermarket is simply ordinary and most likely a casual place! Nothing special about it, Payton! It’s for all of us where we can buy goods to take home because all races are welcome to visit 24/7 a week!
Even you, Payton!
Whenever I visited Tops, I assumed it didn’t have the same reputation as Wegmans’ popularity. Still, now my zip code has earned notoriety because of Payton! What kind of benefits offers him after killing and during the Twitch livestreaming footage in my neighborhood?
I just realized that Payton turned out to be a fuckin’ white nationalist who proudly threw the n-word at ten black people he murdered after 2:30 PM!
This incident may result in a policy change! I can’t go to this store anymore, and it’s driving me fuckin’ nuts! What if I have to adapt my ability to survive after shopping curfews?! I guess my shopping plans won’t do any good for me anymore! My shopping days will NEVER be the same again because of Payton Fuckin’ Gendron!
I’M THE ONLY DEAF BLACK PERSON WHO LIVED IN THIS ZIP CODE, MOTHERFUCKER!
On May 14, the weather was pleasantly warm in the springtime, but I got pulled into the mess the next hour! What the fuck were you thinking, white boy?! Your name became widely highlighted on the national TV news; now I’m fuming mad because this is my life!
My zip code NO longer provides me with any sense of privacy because of you! The cops had to BLOCK and GATEKEEP anyone from publicly trespassing in the Tops store! My street is constantly flooded with police cars, and NONE of them will go away all day, even at night!
I only learned about a shooting massacre on TV political news decades ago! I’d become increasingly aware of multiple incidents in 50 States from social media trends/Newsfeed.
My life turned upside-down when I suddenly realized I was part of the massacring experience! I mean, I could almost have died here in my zip code! I’m NOW living in an alternate reality because of the Payton motherfucker! His name has become infamous throughout the Internet and the media; now everybody knows where I lived! I won’t have private time to myself anymore!