6 Months at The National technical for the Deaf (PART 3)

6 months at the National technical for the deaf (PART 3)

Wow! I can’t believe that it’s already been 10 years in 2021! I’m still OBSESSED with every moment of my college experience from Fall 2011 to Winter 2012. Yeah! I’m consciously overthinking how much I reflect too much on good and bad memories. But what you’re reading here is probably TOXIC, UNHEALTHY, or REPETITIVE. I was only 19 years old in my naivety of real-world problems on my own after completing my high school diploma.


From SEPT 2011 To March 2012

  1. Demetrius Curtis
  2. Zachary Brain Seguin
  3. Missouri
  4. November 11/11
  5. David Cardona
  6. Emily Borgel


As I looked back on my third worst memory, I failed to do my homework duties at the National Technical Institute for the Deaf due to my traumatic incident on November 11th, 2011. I grew up in Missouri’s Worst Education System, which consistently fails me due to my skin color! As a 19-year-old college freshman enrolling in NTID for six months without experience or knowledge. I wasn’t sure how to ask the right questions and get the best advice from academic faculty staff. After completing my high school diploma, I didn’t feel fully prepared or equipped for my educational goals. I mistakenly believed I knew what I wanted to pursue in the community college. 

With my tongue rolling in my cheek, I had no idea how wrong I was! Seriously!

What did I actually say about my academic experiences at the Missouri School for the Deaf (also shortened from the exact name of the school: MSD)? And, of course, my NON-DEAF and HEARING family! I was NEVER raised by a Deaf Black Family! It’s also because NO ONE in my family really wants to learn how to communicate with me in sign language! So, I was forced to read people’s lips all of my life in my family, but when I went to the residential school, I had to stay with Deaf classmates in the dorm every two weekends, even though a higher proportion of white deaf kids had many deaf parents than BIPOC deaf folks in Missouri alone!

I don’t see black deaf families, deaf brothers/sisters, deaf uncles/aunts, deaf cousins, or deaf grandparents.

It’s also unmistakably TRUE that some BIPOC folks, and only a few of them, have deaf relatives in their own family units. I don’t see many of them in Missouri, but all I’ve seen are Deaf White Families.

I’m constantly baffled by this statistic and demographic information as to why. 

But, at the same time, I realize there is absolutely NOTHING I can do about it. I learned to STOP complaining because YT FOLKS WILL always be that way, and someday I won’t be around forever on Earth! I don’t care about that anymore. 

Why should I complain every now, then? Let us move on! 

10 years later, in 2021, on the Tik-Tok social media app, Nakia Smith is living proof of having a Deaf brother, Deaf parents, and Deaf grandparents. Nakia Smith is NOT afraid of telling stories about her Deaf grandparents in a Jim Crow Era because of segregation schools where black Deaf people used to communicate. It’s called Black ASL. So, when Deaf Black People and Other Races started mingling together and going to the same school with white Deaf people due to the Brown V. The Board of Education. They were aggressively forced to use the white version of ASL, especially in the Deaf community. I signed the specific ways and words in the whiteness of ASL that white Deaf people DEMANDED me to use only for communication around them.

Now you know my total point of the ANTI-BLACK racist system right here!

When I graduated from Wheeler High School, I was pretty much excited to be able to do whatever I wanted as a young adult. I won’t lie to you: there were a few things I was disappointed in myself that I didn’t learn while I was in a Missouri residential school at the time. I met with teachers and dorm staff who did their best to teach me correctly when I refused to listen, cooperate, protest or disobey. I remember being highly thrilled to learn something new every day. Sadly, at the same time, those racist teachers also limited and militantly controlled how much I wanted to know, so I didn’t get opportunities to do more. I could’ve done so much more, but they always had little faith in me! I guess I’d have to start my own Deaf family at some point in my adult life, perhaps in the future.

They left me in the dark and kept my mind dumbed down because they thought I would figure it out to outsmart them.

 So yes, they are part of the problematic system because it is NEVER my fault. I can’t always be accused of everything that has happened in this corruption! Why is it my responsibility to accept the blame for NOT trying to learn more in this school? 

Look, I did my best! I know I did! That was all I ever did! 

Again, it’s NOT the kids’ fault because some don’t know what’s happening in the racist system. They don’t have any control over that, and I have NO control over this either. NEITHER does my whole family! Sometimes the racist government is the one to blame because the white supremacists have so much power to make significant changes to the Board of Education, but they choose NOT to do so. They prefer white supremacy else other than learning about anti-racism. 

The racist government has been making countless excuses in my entire life! 

So, yes, I don’t have the power to grab white men’s balls in my hands and make them do something for my education. That’s NOT how it’s correctly done in legal procedure, and of course, NOT! I know you white people already know that! You know what I’m sayin’! I still blame America for black individuals (or probably immigrants) who worked for the same government agency. I still do! Thought that they might have been Uncle Toms and Aunt Jemima women, as race traitors as Token material dolls.

Or… Well-educated black folks may also be scapegoating victims of systematic racism in their workplace. Who knows?

So, what if the racist governments hire you when you know you don’t have any power to speak up against them? In that case, it’s NOT always a bad idea to speak in a particular manner as if you were white. Having a “white voice” is NOT legally mandated or required. However, it’s almost the same for black people to work as a survival guide to THE LAW OF JUNGLE in White America.

A Video Preview of Sorry To Bother You (2018)

ALT TEXT: A Video Preview of Sorry To Bother You (2018)

It brought me back to the movie “Sorry to Bother You” with Tessa Thompson and LaKeith Stanfield. This film is about the black employees who had to navigate their way while taking risks in high-position jobs and high-paid wages using “white voices.” They had to give up their self-known identities to being black and start acting like they were white at work, even though they’re still black in the presence of racists who have too much power! Otherwise, black people can’t keep jobs if their hairstyles or behaviors have failed to follow the protocols of their job descriptions. 

THEY cannot be utterly faithful to themselves while their career is on the tightrope wire, which can be easily destroyed forever! 

They would’ve fallen off if they didn’t stay on the tightrope because it’s too thin. They’ll drop NO MATTER WHAT! There’s NO MORE ROOM for them to walk on it!

THIS IS MY REALITY! THE racist system has always disappointed me regardless of what I do!

NOT surprisingly, I failed miserably after graduating high school in May 2011. I taught myself to write, read, and relearn everything on my own! It was also one of my painful lessons and my ongoing journey to become fully self-reliant in my own right! During my upbringing, the Christian faith has frequently collapsed into hopelessness. So I gave up on returning to the college lifestyle after three different institutions: NTID (August 2011 to March 2012), University of Phoenix (June 2012 to November 2012), and Daymar College (March 2016 to May 2016). I forced myself to leave the three schools for blue-collar employment and manual labor. Blue-collar jobs NEVER require me to obtain licenses, skillful quality, or proof of experienced history.


During my stay at Wheeler High School, I was briefed by racist academic staff who reviewed my GPA for future registration in colleges and universities. They said I could only read vocabulary and terminology at the FOURTH-GRADE LEVEL since elementary school. Guess what?! I graduated on May 15th, 2011, with the Salutation Award! Who’s got a fourth-grade reading level with the Salutation Award? Who does that?! 


As a result, even though I was enrolled in a community college and two advanced universities, I still didn’t go beyond my FOURTH-GRADE READING LEVEL between 2011 and 2021. Look what happened back there! Look where I stand on my feet now! Think about it now! This subliminal message code of the racist educational system shows how much white people control the development of my critical thinking and learning skills. They also made final decisions after seeing my failures based on my intellectual quality, IQ, and literacy skills. 


Racist teachers and vice-principal didn’t want black children to succeed in their academic performance in specific areas of learning. So the racist government has to have fun, party overnight, look for excuses, and refuse to respond to parental demands in the BIPOC community. Think! They wanted me to fail for them to take all the credit for themselves instead!


Since some academic staff doesn’t want to take their job seriously, half of the students didn’t take their studies seriously. I mean, it’s much easier for adults to blame the half-witted kids in a politics of single-identity topics. That’s why I was so disgusted and confused during my time in the educational system. I NEVER knew why until I got older after graduating high school, and it was too late! There were random times when I wasn’t always good at listening. Yet, my action errors have now served as valuable lessons for me to do better in the future. I’ve encountered academic teachers who are unwilling to openly discuss their struggles with their educational experience. They also don’t want to admit that they don’t feel like sharing personal details with students about their failures when they were our age. Maybe they were simply ashamed and embarrassed. Perhaps they secretly hate black kids, other racial minorities, or anyone. No matter the reason, they shouldn’t treat these kids like this. Periodt!

Well, that’s something we need to discuss honestly and tell our future children about the unpleasant reality of the United States’ educational system, including racism. 

Whether the fact that we agree with it or disagree with it, I decided to be completely candid with myself under this published blog. I want everyone to be honest and consistent with each other, including teachers, students, and school principals. All of them are guilty! Even if it turns me into a culprit, so do you! That is the APOLOGY I want to hear from the Missouri School for the Deaf, the City of Saint Louis, and the Government of Missouri in reparation! Black kids who NEVER had the chance to enroll in community colleges or universities due to obstacles and educational difficulties of gatekeeping in the early development facilities with too much power. As an adult, I know exactly what to say to those black kids about my educational experiences. So I don’t have to keep all my feelings bottled up when NOBODY believes me, especially somebody with my background check!


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