6 Months at National Technical For The Deaf (PART 7)

6 Months at National Technical For the Deaf (PART 7)

Wow! I can’t believe that it’s already been 10 years in 2021! I’m still OBSESSED with every moment of my college experience from Fall 2011 to Winter 2012. Yeah! I’m consciously overthinking how much I reflect too much on good and bad memories. But what you’re reading here is probably TOXIC, UNHEALTHY, or REPETITIVE. I was only 19 years old in my naivety of real-world problems on my own after completing my high school diploma.

🤔🤷🏿‍♂️

FROM SEPTEMBER 2011 To March 2012

  1. Demetrius Curtis
  2. Zachary Brain Seguin
  3. Missouri
  4. November 11, 2011
  5. David Cardona
  6. Emily Borgel

DAVID CARDONA IS AN OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION

You can’t put a price on his sexiest smile! The amplifying speed of my heart accelerates and beats so fast at a high volume! David had me completely under his spells of charisma persona as if he was a Pied Piper or a snake charmer seducing my interests. Some sort of witchcraft, or something like that, has to be behind this. I’ve NEVER had a handsome guy flashing teeth at me like that before. It was a pleasantly surprising change in my emotional well-being.

His killer smile is my new medicine. Maybe you know King David from the Bible, but I don’t know if you do. When King Saul had difficulty coping with his anger and resentment, David accompanied him with the taste of music. 

According to the Book of Samuel, an “evil spirit from the Lord” plagued King Saul, making him agitated and fearful of persecution. Because music was thought to have a therapeutic effect, the king summoned the hero and warrior David, who was renowned for his skill with the harp.

Image Credit: Julius Kronberg

Due to what happened following Saul’s disobedience, God NO longer wants him to be the king of the Jewish people. So, therefore, King Saul became very envious of David after hearing people sing a loud chant of songs celebrating David’s victory over the Giants. To keep a demonic entity at bay, David creates a lovely sound of the harp he was playing for Saul, one of my favorite parts of the biblical story.

That was exactly what my experience with David was all along with my clinical depression. Every time I spoke with David, I felt like I were King Saul. At the same time, he played the harp due to what happened to my writing projects on the USB device, which was permanently erased and malfunctioned by an error. David’s random act of kindness made me feel a bit better, but he didn’t have to. He has NEVER owed me anything in his life. It wasn’t his intention in the first place. Still, he was emotionally accessible when I needed him!

His piercing eyes and killer grins contributed to my improving self-esteem.

I felt that David was readily responsive to my frustration with the loss of writing projects on a USB drive and was actively listening to my vents and rantings. He was able to comprehend me, was commiserating with me, and was fondly appreciative of my craft of storytelling. He always speaks with ease, fraternity, and his package’s ongoing list of unique qualities. How much more can I tell you about him? 

I’m sorry if I came off as excessively attached and obsessIVE toward him, but I couldn’t help myself WHILE BLOGGING ABOUT IT.

I’ve already told David that my unpublished stories were saved on the flash drive before they were totally deleted from it on November 11th. I took my time and energy to write everything down, and I intended to publish them online. Still, NOBODY had the opportunity to see my stories alive! It was too bad I couldn’t be more prolific like Neil Gaiman or Anne Rice! 

I was just trying to feel heard and seen, you know? David was the only one who heard me and saw me.

David Cardona's Killer Smile

David Cardona’s killer smile

I remember leaving the Wallace Library late at night, watching him walk with his friends over the weekend. He asked me if I wanted to join him at the party.

David: “Let’s get drunk and smoke some marijuana. As you go out and enjoy yourself tonight, you never know when you can meet someone interesting. Believe me when I say I will take care of you, and I promise you will have a wonderful time at the alcohol party tonight.”

He talked to me like I was a celebrity even though he had a killer smile plastering his gorgeous face. To name a few of the possibilities, David Cardona might have been a Topher DiMaggio doppelganger or a Charlie Barnett He briefly informed me that he had been a poser/model for a short time but had chosen not to pursue it as a career. He had taken several nude shots in the past, but he had never retaken them. When I saw ’em on his Facebook page, I didn’t think I was going crazy. I must confess that I found something fascinating about him, but that’s not why I liked him.

He’s always grinning, lopsided-smiling, and pursing his lips in many ways. 

I didn’t know how to deal with that kind of smile because he’s so contagious and hard to resist. It’s difficult to stay objective in the face of David. His sense of enthusiasm and optimism are so fuckin’ infectious while drowning in his presence. I got the feeling that I was ready to pass out every time. 

Shawn: “No, thank you very much.”

 I expressed my gratitude to him at the hour of midnight; it was a short but pleasant encounter with him.

Shawn: “In fact, I’m feeling so weary and sleepy. I’d like to be able to sleep in my own bed. Believe me when I say that you don’t want me to be at your party. I’m the one that keeps everyone from enjoying themselves. I’m utterly a party pooper when it comes to socializing, I’m not much of a crowd-pleaser. Trust me when I say you don’t want me to go there, and you regret having me there.”

After David replied, “okay,” I turned my back on him, and he left me alone with a polite nod. He didn’t make me feel pressured to do anything I didn’t want to do. On weekends, you relax and mind your own business. 

When I moved away from him, my lips SLOWLY turned into a blushing smile in secret. 

I felt ridiculous for believing I was the real girl hidden inside my skin at that time of my serial encounters with David Cardona. After graduating high school, I’ve belatedly concluded that I’m a trans woman for the first time in my life. 

Image Description: Heart Pin of Transgender Color with Baby Blue, Pink, and White Stripes.

Image Description: Heart Pin of Transgender Color with Baby Blue, Pink, and White Stripes. Photo Credit: The Brass Owl.

Whenever I thought of David, I didn’t view myself as a man in the traditional sense. I felt that I was a very feminine version of myself. It’s almost as if he awakens my inner goddess from a deep sleep after a long period. It’s like Spring Awakening, you know? I’ve questioned myself on many occasions, “Am I really a woman?” My sense of comfort and confidence increased every time I hung around David, and I didn’t feel like I was poorly scrutinized by him. It’s as though he recognizes me for who I am, and why should I feel guilty if the idea of being a woman makes me feel good? I feel like I could’ve been his trans girlfriend!

But, as you can see, I rejected this idea and threw it off my mind whenever I hung out with him. I kept telling myself so many times that I was making up fairy tales that were false and untruthful. I mean, I don’t want to think about it. I gave up the fantasy of becoming the woman I deserved to be. I was under the impression this was too good to be true because I thought it wasn’t possible. Not by a long shot, nope.

Photo credit: Bronx Times

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